The Devil You Created

She says I’m disrespectful, and she can’t stand me . She tells me to shut up and get out her face. She claims I don’t know how to talk to people, and it’s not what I said but how I said it. Ha, isn’t that funny, because neither does she know I’m the devil she created . She can’t see how her life impacted mines, she doesn’t realize that all her trauma became mine. That every little thing that she exposed me too fucked up my mind. Her toxic coping skills showed me that’s how you heal . She must not know that not loving herself made her lack in many things. She couldn’t teach me to love myself, and see that was the stem to my problem. I looked for love in all the wrong places, and ended up being in unhealthy, toxic relationships as a clarification. Cutting, sex, and drugs started to feel so good because it helped me block out all of those feelings I buried so deep inside of me. Telling my inner child fuck all that antidepressants and therapy, this is all we need! But that was slowly killing us emotionally, and mentally. I turned into everyone who hurt me; I began treating people in the same manner as they did me. I just wanted you to listen to me, and hear my cries but you were so stuck in your own world and all those guys. Allowing them to use you in every way possible, they raped your mind. They killed the little bit left of you, you had inside. You couldn’t see how much I needed you, you just saw who I became, not realizing this is the devil you made. I begged, and pleaded with you in the midst of finding myself  to give me another chance, but instead I was rejected and neglected once again. I was told to stop trying because you didn’t want to have anything to do with me, and that shit bugged me out, like how could that be? As a child I saw you forgive the unforgivable from people who didn’t share no blood, but you literally gave me life but wasn’t willing to forgive who I was . You say I did, and said things but refuse to talk about you; What about that time you said I wasn’t your child anymore, and I was dead to you. Telling me everything is my fault and I’m going to be the reason you die . You Made me feel like the black sheep and I wanted to die . It took me years to see that healing starts with me. I had to take time to forgive myself, and see myself with a new pair of eyes. But now I hope you see that the devil you created is no longer alive.

3 thoughts on “The Devil You Created

  1. There are times where the cycle has to end. It takes a lot of courage and self control to end it . We can be strong enough to not be apart of it , We. Can be and will be . You are not alone 💙


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