“ March 30th, 2019 “
I turned 36 weeks today, full term. I’m excited, I want to meet my baby so bad. The anticipation was killing me. She has grown so much over these past two weeks. Most people didn’t recognize I was pregnant until I was about 5 months pregnant. Now look at me, I’m a hippo, need help getting up, have to do the scoop to the end of the couch, and for me to roll over takes 3 minutes; I’m over it. It’s time for her to come out, and working at Dunkin’ my feet and ankles are swollen often, but I enjoy working. I love making my own money. I have an appointment tomorrow, I’m exhilarated I’m going to see her face one last time before she comes out! Hopefully she let me see her lips for the second time, and move that arm she always has covering them. She’s stubborn, like me.
The next day.. 2:05 p.m.
In a few minutes I will be seeing her little face. My appointment was at 2 but for some reason no matter how early we start getting ready we are always late. They called us to the back, checked my weight, and vitals signs. Next was the sonogram room. She has grown so much, she is sleeping as usual with that arm over her lips, as usual, but we were able to get her to move for a slip second. The sonographer was able to rewind and fast-forward what the wand revealed, so I can see when she moved her arm, put it back, opened her mouth, and made faces. Every movement. I thought she looked like me in the last sonogram but this session put the cherry on top. She had fat cheeks, with my button nose, full lips, and the doctors always spoke on how much hair she had. She was perfect. I recalled the technician asking me to move certain ways , and looking concerned but I let it go over my head. I was in my own world. My man went back to the waiting room to wait for me, while I waited for the doctor to come and discuss everything with me. I can already tell by the look on her face it wasn’t good. She started off telling me the different parts of the heart and how it’s supposed to form. “ When the heart forms it has two ventricles, a left and a right. We don’t see her left ventricle, we believe she has a serious heart defect named “ Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome “, in which the left ventricle does not develop correctly. She will have to undergo open heart surgery in order to survive. I couldn’t hold anymore. I broke into pieces, they encouraged me to not hear this alone so my man came back to the room I was in. Despite my tears, my face must have read fear, and pain because his reaction was to instantly comfort me. I can tell by his face I have made him deeply concerned. The doctor proceeded to tell him everything she had told me. The doctor told us “ We will be setting up appointments for you to get confirmation. We had to go see a high risk doctor, and cardiologist for more images to be taken. My mind is just racing, how did this happen? Did I do anything wrong? Is my baby going to die? Why ? But I still had some type of hope they were wrong. I remember leaving and the first person I called was my oldest sister Ava, we had become close over the last 3 years, this was her child as much as she was mine. My voice was cracking because I was trying to not cry.
Me : “Serenity could have a heart issue and need open heart surgery.”
Ava : “ Is this a joke? “
Me : “ What? ‘ . I was confused as to why she will ask me that.
Ave : “ Bitch are you playing with me ? It’s April Fools “.
I started to laugh and said “ No this is not a joke, I wouldn’t play like that.”
I totally forgot today was April Fools, oh shit.