Confirmation : Part 3

I could give birth any day now, so it was urgent to see a high risk doctor for confirmation. I received a phone call later that day with two follow up appointments. I am to see the high risk doctor in two days at 2:30pm, then a cardiologist appointment the following day.

April 2nd, 2019 2:40pm 

 I’m lying here on the table getting more sonogram pictures taken, and all I can do is pray to God that the last doctor at my prenatal appointment was wrong. I prayed for my baby to be healthy, and to not be high risk. Bittersweetly, we were able to see her beautiful face twice in one week. The sonographer’s name was Angel, ironically. She was having a hard time getting pictures of her heart because of how Serenity was angled. She’s now full term and her body is covered with fat and muscles. These defects are looked for between 18-22 weeks because it’s easy to see through a baby body due to the fact they have no fat on them. Yeah I know, how the fuck they miss it? Anyway, the technicians aren’t allowed to tell you what they see, or think just in case they’re wrong; so for the entire 40 minutes I had to restrain from asking her questions about the condition they suspected her to have. It’s finally over. The nurse escorted us to the doctor’s office to wait for the doctor to read the results, and come tell us what he saw. I’m looking around and reading all the pamphlets on the walls about high risk pregnancy, drugs, support groups, etc. My heart is racing, stomach turning, and hands sweating, this anticipation is killing me. After waiting about 10 minutes which felt like 30 minutes, he finally is here. He is definitely my senior by a few decades, with glasses, and salt and pepper hair, who goes by the name Dr.Silver. He was the doctor who trained the head doctor, and owner of my prenatal clinic. He had several clinics throughout upstate, and was the one families and mothers travel to see. He’s really nice, and comforting. He confirmed that it was in fact Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. He explained that Serenity left ventricle was completely underdeveloped, and she was going to need open heart surgery to survive. He continued to explain how she was really small weighing 4 pounds and 12 ounces at 36w6d. In result of her low weight I will be induced in two weeks. He gave us reassurance that our baby had a fighting change. He explained that he has been in this practice since 1988, and have seen so many babies survive this heart condition, as well as others. He recalled technology from the 80s being completely different from today’s technology, which play a big part in defeating deadly diseases, and defects. Babies are remarkable, and strong, he stated. He gave me my first piece of hope. We still have another appointment tomorrow at the Pediatric Cardiologist Clinic.

April 3rd, 2019 11:00am

We walked inside the elevator and pressed the 9th floor. I was already a wreck. Full of pain, anxiety, and fear. I wasn’t ready for this. I wasn’t for this, but I had to do it . My man is a strong believer of God, faith was never shot. He always held on to hope, but for me I was drowning in my emotions. Yet I still held on to the little bit of hope that Dr.Silver gave me yesterday. I still couldn’t stop shaking. After waiting a few minutes we got called, it was time for another sonogram. This was it.

To Be Continued …

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